Banana (Slug) Cream Pie

To me, it has always been a mystery as to why someone would name something after a food when it tastes absolutely nothing like what it’s named after.

Case in point: the banana slug.  Yes, I know, with their yellow bodies and brown spots they physically look a lot like a banana…but I’m going to go out on a limb and say they probably don’t taste anything like a banana at all…until now.

(please, take my word for it and don’t actually lick any slugs to find out yourself. Humanity just survived the great “Let’s all eat Tide Pods” craze, so let’s not double down on idiotic trends this year).

While eating certain gastropods like escargot in garlic and butter sauce is a delicious treat (and yes, we have a recipe for that right here!), randomly licking non-culinary slugs can potentially land you in a world of hurt ranging from a numb tongue all the way to paralysis and even death as many contain potent neurotoxins.

Still, if you’re just hell-bent on licking a slug, may I offer you a tastier and much safer alternative?

Behold, the banana (slug) creampie!

Now, before we get started, I should let you know, yes, this post contains links to Amazon products.  As an affiliate, I get a small amount each time someone purchases something that I’ve linked to on this site.  That helps me offset the costs of making all these sweet sweet projects.  To read my full disclosure, click here.

The first thing you’ll need to do is make molds of your slugs.  I used Amazing Mold Putty which is a two-part food safe molding material you can pick up at most craft stores for under $20.  Because we are using this for food application, making sure it’s a food safe molding material is absolutely critical.  The last thing you want is a beautiful mold that ends up contaminating your food with toxic bits.

Mix together equal amounts of your “A” and “B” mold making material and knead it together until it’s uniform in color.  You want to make sure there are no swirls and that everything is the same buttery golden color.  I found when molding my slugs it was easiest to start at the antennae end and wrap those in a small wad of putty before smooshing the rest over their bodies.  Because this is putty and not liquid, make sure you really squeeze it around them tightly to ensure you’re getting a good imprint of their skin surface to help add to the realism of your final product.

Set these aside and let them cure for about 60 minutes or so.  Once the mold is set, gently peel your slugs out and give it a good wash.

Now let’s get to the cooking part!  For this recipe you will need:

• 2 packages plain gelatin
• 1 cup cold water
• 1 ½ cups cold milk
• 1 package instant banana flavored pudding
• 1 teaspoon banana extract
• 1 teaspoon vodka
• Brown food coloring
• 9 oz box of chocolate wafer cookies (about 2 cups, crushed)
• Pinch of salt
• 1 ¼ cup butter, divided
• ¼ cup plus 1 tablespoon sugar
• 1 14oz can Sweetened Condensed Milk
• 1 cup brown sugar, divided
• 2 medium ripe bananas
• ¼ cup room temperature dark rum
• 1 cup heavy whipping cream
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1 teaspoon cocoa powder
• Caramel sauce
• Green food coloring

The first thing we’re going to do is make our gelatin slugs.   Sprinkle your gelatin over the top of your cold water in a bowl and let it bloom for about 5 minutes.

Zap your gelatin 20 seconds at a time, stirring between each zap until all your gelatin is completely dissolved.  Mix in your banana pudding, your banana extract, and your milk.  You’ll end up with an incredibly gooey pudding that is almost too thick to stir.  To re-liquefy it and make it easier to work with, pop it back into your microwave for an additional 15 seconds and transfer into a squeeze bottle.

Use your squeeze bottle to fill your molds and then pop those into the fridge to firm up.  It shouldn’t take more than 5-10 minutes for each slug to go from liquid to solid.

To decorate your slugs, simply paint them using a food safe paint brush, a little vodka and some brown food coloring.  I found that the best way to really make them look realistic was to paint the tiny stripes on them with straight brown gel and then do a light wash over them with the vodka.  This helps soften the edges of the brown gel, making it look more realistic.

Pop your finished slugs into the fridge to stay cool.

While your slugs are chilling, let’s make our pie crust.

In a food processor, pulse your chocolate cookie wafers with ¼ cup of your sugar and your pinch of salt until completely pulverized and combined.

Melt ½ cup of your butter and drizzle that into your cookie sugar mix.  You’ll end up with a thick, crumbly dough.

Press this mixture into a 9” pie shell and use the flat bottom of a glass to press it down firmly.  Pop into the fridge for about 10 minutes to firm up.

In a non-stick saucepan over low heat, combine ½ cup of your butter with ½ cup of brown sugar and stir continuously while the sugar dissolves.

Add your condensed milk and bring to a rapid boil.  Whatever you do, DO NOT STOP STIRRING!  Because of the high sugar content, this stuff is just begging to burn…so keep your spoon moving the entire time.  Continue to boil and stir for about a minute or so.  You want your mixture to take on a rich, golden caramel color.

Remove from heat and spread this into the bottom of your chocolate cookie pie crust and place back into the fridge to firm up.

While that’s firming up, let’s move onto our pie topping.

Slice up your two medium bananas into even slices about ½ an inch thick or so.

In your saucepan, combine together the remaining ½ cup brown sugar with ¼ cup of butter and mix well while your sugar dissolves.  Add in your sliced bananas and stir, making sure your slices are completely covered with the thick butter and sugar sauce.

TURN OFF YOUR BURNER and add in your ¼ cup of rum.  Using a LONG STRAND OF SPAGHETTI or match, ignite your rum and allow it to burn off (about 10-15 seconds or so).  In addition to just looking badass, this sudden surge of heat (over 800 degrees!) flash caramelizes our sugar, giving the sauce a nice depth and complexity.

Of course, this step is optional, and you are more than welcome to omit the rum altogether if you prefer.

Once your flames have gone out, spoon your sauced bananas into your pie shell and smooth down with a spoon.

Now let’s make our whipped cream topping!  I used a C02 charged whipper for this, but you can certainly use a stand mixer or handheld mixer for this.  Hell, you could just opt for a pre-made tub of already made whipped cream and I wouldn’t judge you.

If you’re planning on making your own whipped cream, combine your ½ cup heavy cream with your remaining tablespoon of sugar and your teaspoon of vanilla extract and whip it like Devo in 1980.

No matter what route you go with your whipped topping (homemade or store-bought), just top that bad boy with a nice, thick layer of the white stuff.

Now that our pie has three amazing layers (caramel cream, rum soaked banana’s foster, and whipped cream) it’s time to add our slugs and do our final decorating.

Place your slugs on top of your pie in any way you want.  I personally like having it look like they’re squirming in and out of the cream.

To add an additional layer of realism, I gave them all little green-brown slug trails by adding a few drops of green food coloring to a tablespoon of caramel ice cream sauce and drizzling it around behind them.

A light dusting of cocoa also adds a touch of realism.

Present your pie to your intended victims recipients and enjoy their faces as they take in the truly awe-inspiring majesty that is your banana (slug) creampie!

Store any uneaten portions of your pie in the fridge for up to a week.

Bone Appetite!

And if banana slugs just aren’t your thing, but you’re still in the mood for pie, might we suggest our black sand and scorpion pudding pie, our ossuary pie or our key s-lime pie?