Behold, for I am Lucifur, the Lord of Barkness, and while small, I am fierce. While I don’t normally bother to participate in the day-to-day activities of my scare-giver, Hellen, I admit a certain amount of interest when those activities include anything I might potentially consume.
Case in point, these Bone Crunchies.
Now before we get too far into this recipe, remember, this treat was specifically created with the Hellhound (you) in mind. To that end, all instructions are written with the idea that you (The Hellhound) shall be directing your minion (your scare-giver) to do the work for you. Do not allow them to rope you into making these yourself. That’s what they’re for.
Now let’s get started.
These tasty skull shaped cookies are stuffed full of delicious bacony goodness and are an extra special treat for very best Hellhounds. Be aware that because these are so rich, they should be served in moderation.
INGREDIENTS
- 3 pieces of bacon, precooked and chopped
- 1 egg
- ½ Cup peanut butter
- ¼ Cup beef or chicken broth
- 1 Cup whole wheat flour
- ½ Cup cooked oats
- 1 Tbsp. honey
COMMAND YOUR MINION TO STOKE THE FIRES OF HELL. If the fires of Hell are not available, have your minion preheat the oven to 300F/148C.
IN A LARGE BOWL, have your minion mix together all the ingredients, mixing continuously until a thick, crumbly dough is formed.
DEMAND YOUR MINION turn said dough out onto a lightly floured surface and force them to roll the dough out into a sheet ½ inch thick.
USING A SKULL OR BONE SHAPED COOKIE CUTTER, have your minion stamp out as many bone crunchies as the dough will allow.
INSTRUCT YOUR MINION to place the uncooked bone crunchies onto a parchment lined baking pan and transfer to the Hellfire(or oven, if your minion is a plebeian) for approximately 20-25 minutes or until golden.
FORCE YOUR MINION TO RUB YOUR BELLY for the time you must wait for your bone crunchies to cook. Alternately, you may also demand butt-scratchies, fetch, or any other leisure activity you wish.
ONCE YOUR BONE CRUNCHIES HAVE COOKED, remove from the oven and allow to cool.
DEMAND TO BE HAND FED at least one as a verification of their tastiness. Remaining bone crunchies may be stored in an airtight container for up to two weeks…but I doubt they’ll last that long.
