Behold, for I am Lucifur, the Lord of Barkness, and I am taking over this site for a few posts. For my first post, I share with you the darkly delicious Battywampus Hellhound Bite dog treats.
Cower before my mighty power as I bestow upon you a recipe of such potent deliciousness that less powerful hellhounds than myself the world around will supplicate themselves before you at the whiff of their peanut buttery goodness alone.
And with the addition of parsley and activated charcoal, they themselves work wonder for taming sulfur laced breath and ghoulish kisses.
Currently my minor demon scare-taker Hellen Die is wallowing in self-pity and misery over the fact that Halloween has again come and gone, leaving me free to do as I wish. As a result, I am taking this time to work on something that truly benefits me…treats befitting my status as Major Demon and Head Hell Hound of the domain.
While it’s not often I deign myself to the kitchen, nor waste my immense powers on the cheap parlor-trick of manipulating Hellen to complete simple tasks for me, when it comes to creating this delicious treat, I will occasionally lower myself.
Start by first having your scare-taker place you in a position where you might be able to oversee each step with a critical eye. I prefer the counter.
Demand that your minion gathers your required ingredients thusly:
- 2 cups whole wheat flour
- 1 cup dried oats
- 2 tablespoons dried parsley
- 2 large eggs, room temperature
- 1/2 cup +2 Tablespoons water
- 1/2 cup non-fat dried milk
- 1 cup peanut butter
- 1/2 Tablespoon activated charcoal
If you have a convenient sulfur vent handy, good. If not, have your minion set the oven to 300F/148C.
In a large bowl, have your minion mix together the eggs and water until well combined. Supervise accordingly.
Once the eggs and water are sufficiently combined, have your minion add the dry ingredients.
Ignore the other minor hellhound next to me.
She is of little consequence and is around merely to provide me with entertainment.
Have your minion return you to your perch of supervision and observe as they place the doughy mass before you for inspection and approval.
It is best to remain skeptical of your minion’s ability to produce a sufficiently tasty treat. Demand proof of its deliciousness via small samples.
Remain skeptical of your minion’s ability to cook while they roll the dough out to an approximate thickness of 1/2 an inch. Demand your minion cut out your treats. As these are Battywampus Hellhound bites, it is required that they are bat-shaped.
Instruct your minion to place bat shaped Battywampus treats onto a baking pan and transfer to the sulfur vent (or oven, if you’re a plebian) for approximately 30 minutes or until firm to the touch.
Retire to the fireplace and contemplate your powers and the pitiful lives of all those around you while you wait for your treats to cook.
Once the treats have cooked, allow them to cool before again inspecting thoroughly for perfection.
Demand to be hand fed at least one.
Release your minion from their mind control and enjoy the rest of your evening with a full belly of Battywampus Hellhound Bites.
Store uneaten bites in an airtight container for up to 2 weeks…but I doubt they’ll last that long.
Should you want to know more about the elusive Battwampus, please feel free to click here.
And if you feel so inclined to provide support for my scare-taker, Hellen Die, please click HERE to support the Necro Nom-nom-nomicon.
THIS WORK IS LICENSED UNDER A CREATIVE COMMONS ATTRIBUTION-NONCOMMERCIAL, NO-DERIVATIVES 2.5 INTERNATIONAL LICENSE. YOU’RE WELCOME TO MAKE ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING SHOWCASED ON THE NECRO NOM-NOM-NOMICON, BUT MAY NOT DO IT FOR COMMERCIAL OR FINANCIAL GAIN. YOU MAY NOT COPY, DISTRIBUTE OR MODIFY THESE RECIPES IN ANY WAY WITHOUT EXPRESS WRITTEN PERMISSION FROM THE NECRO NOM-NOM-NOMICON. NO RECIPE, TUTORIAL OR PROJECT MAY BE USED FOR COMMERCIAL OR PROFIT USE.
