As a semi-informal ambassador to Hell I often find myself in the uncomfortable position of having to play host to large groups of guests. Rather than serve the usual chips and salsa you mortals seem to be so strangely obsessed with, I prefer serving my guests these savory and crispy deep fried bat wings.
Once a month I send my favorite and most trusted minions out to the local belfrys with nets to gather a good flock of bats. Personally I think the ones with rabies taste better (it’s the foaming at their little mouths that adds that special spice), but that’s just me.
For you mortals and your squeamish ways, I’ve got a substitution recipe which will give you the same looking results but without the risk of ending up bitten, scratched, or worse (you cowards.)
For this recipe you will need:
- 5 Spring roll wrappers
- 8 oz Chive and Onion Cream Cheese Spread
- 20 Pieces uncooked spaghetti
- Small bread sticks (optional)
- Black food color
- Cooking oil
You will also need a shallow pan with edges big enough to hold your spring roll wrappers. Start by first filling the pan with slightly warm water and adding in enough black dye to turn the water as inky and dark as my sense of humor.
Drop your uncooked spaghetti into the black water and allow to soften.
Heat up a frying pan with your cooking oil.
Place 1 of your spring roll wrappers in the water and allow it to soak and soften.
While it’s softening up, take your cream cheese and add in enough black dye to darken it to a deep grey.
Using a sandwich bag as a piping bag, fill it with your cream cheese mixture and snip off a small corner.
Your wrapper should be soft by now and black as sin. Carefully remove it from the water and place it on a cutting surface. Using a paper towel, gently blot the excess water from the wrapper.
The wrappers I used were rectangular in shape but you can also use round ones. I’ve found with the rectangular ones, I could get two good wings from each piece.
Fold the wrapper over in half corner to corner and trim the edge to make a triangle. Cut the triangle down the center to create two smaller, identical triangles.
Using a sharp knife, gently scallop the edges of your triangles to create the bat wing shape.
Unfold your triangle and use your piping bag to pipe three lines of cream cheese filling onto one side of your wing, following approximately where the bones would line up with the pointed edges of your scalloping.
By now your noodles should be soft but not mushy. Using two noodles, lay them into the center of your piped cream cheese, using them to simulate where the bones would be in a natural bat wing.
(Optional choice: For a few of the wings I made I used a breadstick for the top bone along the fold. Although it worked well, I found it was too bulky and I wasn’t happy with the final look of the wings. It does add a nice texture to the chips when they’re done so this is totally up to you if you decide to go this route. Personally I prefer using just the spaghetti noodles but like I said, it’s up to each individual.)
Fold the top half of your wing back down and press down gently, allowing the cream cheese to seal the spaghetti and wings together.
Now comes the tricky part. Carefully lift your wing up using two hands (they’re fragile) and drop them into the hot oil to cook.
Allow the wings to cook for about a minute on each side. Because they’re black, it is hard to tell when they’re overcooking as you won’t be able to see them darken. The pot of oil bursting into flames is a good indicator you’ve left them on too long. Be careful and don’t let this happen.
Remove and drain on a paper towel or rack and allow to cool.
Serve to your guests and enjoy! The wings will have a nice, crunchy texture with a slight soft ooze when you bite into the sections with cream cheese. Although they’re not as tasty as the real thing, I do have to admit, these aren’t bad.
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