You mere mortals are funny creatures, with your squeamish reactions to blood. Again, out of respect for you all, I’m offering up a substitution recipe for an otherwise incredibly popular underworld treat.
Don’t ever let it be said I’m not one for compromise…
For this recipe you’ll need 2 cups of b-positive. Of course, as I said, we’re working off a substitution recipe so in this case, the b is short for beets. Sheesh.
In defense of beets: I admit, for the longest time I was not a fan of beets. If not cooked correctly, they have a distinct dirt flavor which is hard to enjoy. Often times they are simply boiled to within an inch of their lives, resulting in the aforementioned dirt flavored mush. These chips, however, allow the true flavor of the beet to shine through, resulting in a chip that is light and surprisingly sweet, a nice contrast to the more tangy bite of your goat cheese spread.
- 2 large beets, washed
- 2 Tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
- 1 Tablespoon kosher salt
- 3 ounces herbed goat cheese (not shown…sorry)
Preheat your oven to 350F/176C.
Using a mandolin or a very sharp knife, slice your beets into thin slices. Watch your fingers if using a mandolin or you might just end up adding some real b-positive to the mix (or o, or AB, or whatever type you really are.)
In a large bowl, toss your beet slices with the olive oil, coating evenly.
Place your beet chips in a single layer on a cookie sheet lined with foil and sprinkle lightly with your salt.
Bake your beet chips in the oven for 15-20 minutes or until crisp. If you find your chips aren’t crisping, try flipping them and then popping them back in the oven for another additional 5 minutes or so.
Once your chips are crisped, remove from the oven and allow to cool either on a paper towel or a wire rack.
As you’re waiting for your chips to cool, take your goat cheese and place it into your serving vessel of choice. I personally enjoy using the small skull I have just hanging out in my kitchen for just this purpose. Remove the top half, line the cavity with plastic wrap, and mash in your cheese, using the warmth of your hands to help soften the cheese. As it warms up, you can mold it into an appropriate “brain” shape.
Serve your salty baked blood clot chips with your Walpurgis cheese and enjoy!
And, as they say in Hell…bone appetite!
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