A few days ago a certain coffee chain started carrying a limited edition drink associated with a certain equestrian freak of nature. It was pink and purple and sparkly and magical and…yeah.
Honestly, having met a few horn heads (as I call them) I can honestly tell you, they’re not all that great. They’re pretentious and have this misguided notion that they are the be-all-end-all of everything and that they fart rainbows and glitter.
Trust me, they don’t.
Now, as anyone who has any wizardly literary experience will tell you (yes, even Demons read), as cute and fluffy as that drink is…consuming actual unicorn blood isn’t something for the faint-of-heart. Which is why I love this recipe. And the fact that it isn’t part of a limited time only sort of deal makes it even better. You can make this whenever your dark little heart desires…no drive-through required.
Behold, the “Halfblood Blended.” No, it’s not pink, and it’s not fluffy, but it will take half your soul and a quarter of your daily calorie intake if you drink it.
As my fellow dark arts friend calls it…it’s “Crucio Juicio.” (She’s brilliant)
For this recipe you will need:
- 4 scoops (2 cups) vanilla ice cream
- 1 box sugar-free Raspberry Jell-o
- 1 box sugar-free Lime Jell-o
- 1/2 Teaspoon citric acid
- 1/4 Teaspoon baking powder
- Black food coloring
- Green food coloring
- 1 Cup heavy whipping cream
- Black sugar sanding crystals (sprinkles)
- Green sugar sanding crystals (sprinkles)
- Purple sugar sanding crystals (sprinkles)
- Green sparkle cookie frosting
- 2 cups whole milk
- 1/2 cup heavy whipping cream
- 2 Tablespoons sugar
- 1 Dark Mark (purely for inspiration…not required)
- Unicorn blood*
In the event you can’t get real unicorn blood, a tube of silver sparkle cookie frosting may be (groan) substituted.
Start by blending your ice cream with your whole milk. Divide your blended ice cream/milk mixture into two bowls. Put one bowl in the freezer for now so it doesn’t melt.
Add 2 Tablespoons of your raspberry jello mix to one of the bowls of ice cream/milk and mix well. Add enough black food coloring to turn the mix from pink to a deep dark black color.
Put the mix into the freezer and do the same thing to the other bowl of ice cream/milk, using the lime jello and green food coloring.
Place your ice cream mix bowls (one should now be black raspberry and one should now be green lime) into the freezer while you complete the next step.
In a separate mixing bowl, mix your heavy cream, plain white sugar, and more green food coloring until you have a thick, creamy, and very green whipped cream.
Put into the fridge for now.
Now we get to make the fizzing sprinkles…
Mix together 1 Tablespoon each of your black, green and purple sanding crystals as well as 1 teaspoon of your lime green jello powder. Add to that your citric acid and your baking soda.
Why citric acid and baking soda? The two, when mixed in the presence of liquid, fizz… Go ahead, try a little bit. Fizzy, right?! It’s also really sour and a little salty, which is why we add it to the sugar crystals.
Now it’s time to assemble our Halfblood masterpiece.
Take a tall clear glass and drizzle in some unicorn blood (or cookie icing if that’s all you’ve got.) You want it to drip down the sides of the glass. I also added in some sparkly green cookie icing because…well, why the hell not?
Next, pour in about half of your black mixture into your glass. Because we’ve added milk and other ingredients to our ice cream, it should be about the consistency of a thick milkshake. Try to pour it straight in and avoid the sides…you don’t want to mess up your unicorn blood…yet.
Sprinkle on a shake or two of your sour crystal mix and then gently layer on some green ice cream. Alternate your black and green ice cream, adding in a shake of sour crystals between each layer until you run out of ice cream, or you reach the top of your glass.
Crown your bloody masterpiece with a towering pile of electric green whipped cream and another shake of your super sour crystals.
Add in your straw, double check you’re dark mark, and raise your glass to ‘he-who-shall-not-be-named…and enjoy!
As you sip, it should start out sweet and raspberry, but as you near the lime layer, it will get progressively sourer. To really kick up the sour and to give it a truly vile look, swirl the whole thing together.
Sip away your soul and remember to keep an eye out for the ministry…they tend to frown on drinks like this. It is, however, 100% dementor tested and death eater approved. Feel free to ‘imperius’ anyone trying to steal a sip.
Mmm…sparkly tasty unicorn blood…
“Accio” awesome and Bone appetite!
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